Your Eyes...They Turn Me

We've been having all kinds of fun these days.  Levi has added new words ('words' is used loosely) to his repertoire.  To his usual "eeeyahs", he's incorporated, "gah!" and "oooooh".  There's more.  Ask him to tell you about it when you see him next.  Laughs, smiles.  Every day is a party. But there's work too--adding ounces to a solid 13-lb frame and practicing keeping the head up independent of so much help are some of the daily jobs taking place.

Here's what life looks like these days, excepting one major activity: dancing in the kitchen.  Video to follow.

The verdict is in.  Baths are less confusing.  Maybe even nice. 

       This look is called 'Lamel'*.

*Rhymes with 'clamel', or 'camel' if you insist on the conventional.

From a Novice's Perspective

One of my favorite friends told me recently that just when it seems like you think you've gotten the hang of parenting, something happens to make you remember how hard it is.

I'm new at being a mother.  I may sort've gloat about my good sleeper and eater as I drift through this wonderful dream come true it is to be Levi's mom. But I hope that when I inevitably become in any way complacent that I slap myself out of my stupor and immediately give thanks just as I do when things are sweet.  All kinds of times are on the horizon, and some of them will be hard.  Whatever has been hard so far has been worth Levi.  What is to come is worth him too.

So Fine

Yesterday began thee most rewarding way to spend time.  Levi now stares back at me, and then we smile huge toothless or toothy grins (depending on who's who) for about ten infinities.  It's taken a month for us to become best buddies.  I'm set.  What else is there?

We stood together in front of a mirror and Levi smiled at my reflection, skipping his own (which makes sense developmentally on his part).  As a human, I have this horrible ego problem where I like to be appreciated and maybe even looked at as an intelligent or strong person by people that I like or love.  All of this becomes a crumbly, crusty piece of nothing when he smiles at me.  I love the way he looks at me simply because I love him so much, and maybe his expressions show that he's learning to love me too.

An ego is such a waste of time, but I must mention that it will be totally acceptable if Levi someday feels at least remotely about his father and me the way I feel about my mom and dad.  If he looks up to me even when he's taller than me, I'll be honored.  But today I don't have to be smart, strong, nice, funny, or anything else because I'm Levi's mom, Aaron's wife, and my Father's daughter.  I'm free, humbled, and incapable of conveying how much this rules.  

Earlier this afternoon Levi and I drove aimlessly up Highway 1 on another day when the silvery ocean was the same as the sky since nothing separated the two.  He snored peacefully in his car seat behind me.  The mastery of creation overwhelmed each of my senses.

There's no logical place to end this entry because so many great things seem to be beginning.   

If I HAD to Pick...

Photo Shoot

Beautiful Boy

Levi likes to smile...

WHEN THE CAMERA IS OFF.  Usually.  He's a natural but he's not your circus monkey.

Other things of note:

Milk coming out the nose.  Twice.  He inhales deeply and frantically for some reason, then milk trickles out and it hurts.  We wipe it and he carries on feeding.  Peace is restored, life is good.

Sleeping for seven plus hours at night.  Kid, you ARE a natural.

Digging on the Grateful Dead.  Box of Rain specifically agrees with Levi.  He also seems to like Chopin, Pink Floyd, M83 and Talking Heads' Slippery People.

We take one small road trip per day.  Last week we discovered alpacas.  This week, emus.

Hikes:  Our first hike as an immediate family of three took place on May 30th.  We went to Corralitos Creek with cousins Kyle and Drew.  Levi slept peacefully the whole time packed up cozily on mama.  A bat flew overhead in the middle of the day and we checked him out.  Drew searched for and successfully located several redwood salamanders.  Our second hike took place today, June 5th.  We all-terrain strollered through the mighty redwoods of Nisene Marks.  Levi seemed curious or possibly bewildered.  He had some milk by a creek.  His father and I sauntered the way John Muir did, pushing Levi through and over terrain steeper than what we imagined other one-month-olds have had access to.  Aaron says that Levi is already a brave little man.

Brave, cute, so on, so forth--our love for this kid is supreme.  I've never known of a stronger, more real contentedness.

If We Could Just Join Hands...

Darlin', Walk a While with Me

Dear Levi,

It's taken me 25 days to finally try to write some of this down.  My words will do reality an injustice--as they often do--because in this case they are incapable of conveying how it feels to be your mama.  Regardless, I have a moment to attempt this because you're napping next to my right hip after you fell asleep when I sang Over the Hills and Far Away to you.  You started dreaming and I watched the look of repose change when your brow furrowed and your bottom lip swiftly curled into a frown.  Then, just as quickly, your dimples and lips conspired together to form that beautiful smile of yours that I KNOW is not inspired by gas.  Well not always, at least.

Here's the short of it: three days of working to get you here and two hours and fifty minutes of breathing, pushing and dreaming wakeful delusional dreams were nothing compared to how your emergence has focused the blurry lines of my life and become the heart of my existence.  I have never heard a more beautiful song than your first cry.  Holding your perfect slippery body for the first time and locking eyes with you have made me live.

There's lots of love in this world aimed right at you.  I'll spend my life giving you all of mine.

Love,
Mom

Numbers

(285) days pregnant
(countless) hormonally-charged pregnancy dreams, including falling off a crumbling Bay Bridge to be brought to the surface by a benevolent dolphin and eel savior
(65+) estimated articles of infant clothing, washed, and sorted according to size
(11) prior blog posts that are confusingly introspective and/ or reflectively verbose
(lots of) wondering and waiting
(25) extra pounds of body weight, all in my bowling ball of a midsection
(three or four) jars of Nutella eaten
(nightly) fetal hiccups that are preparing a strong diaphragm for the consumption of the best, most nutritious beverage on Earth
(maybe five) annoying comments about my changed body.  Somehow, a pregnant body is an acceptable topic of brutally honest conversation.  "Puffy."  Enough said.
(more than five) beautiful comments and assurances about the baby, the body--mostly from my kids at school.  "I hope he's cute," says one fourth grader.  Big tummy hugs from Kayla, tiny massaging hands of Celeste accompanied by squeals of delight at his physical responses to the attention, and generous parents (who may or may not have a lot of resources from which to draw) picking out brand new cute things for their children to give to the baby
(two) annoyingly needy cats who sense that a change is on the horizon
(many) supportive loved ones who keep checking on Levi's progress via phone, message, the Internerd, etc.
(many) times I have had to tell these loved ones that I don't know when he's coming, but that he's coming
(one) car seat, locked and ready to be loaded
(one) hospital bag packed
(two) parents longing to see and feel those little feet from the outside
(enduring) gratitude to everyone else waiting patiently for and supporting this kid already

Kid-Ready Pad

An (almost) entire room's view

You may enter.

A tree to read under...dig the Mammatus flyer by Stacie next to Babar and the giant giraffe

A photograph of a giraffe that almost ate me once, Grandma Ruth's version of Noah's Ark, the Lorax (to protect the Truffula Trees) and Angel's owl

Grammy Monica's artistry is all over the place.